When it comes to performance there is one point for me that is critical and can be crucial at the same time: when I start judging myself.
During my last training I realize even stronger that in the moment I start judging myself about my performance and about how good or bad I am my performance is decreasing. In that moment I am not able to switch off my internal radio, and I could even feel the embarrassment judging my judgment.
This vicious circle was impeding me many times to stay 100% at the disposal of my participants, it was impeding me to give my best, it was simply impeding me to be successful.
This reminds me of the last time I was playing beach volley with a group of friends. I was simply enjoying the time and the nice weather, screaming and laughing around, wearing my ACDC cap and singing “Highway to hell” every time we were scoring. I was not judging myself, I was not worrying about my performance, I was not worrying about thinking what other were thinking about me, we were simply a team, I learnt how to pitch (finally!) and I was having a lot of fun. We were motivating one another, hugging each other if something was good, hugging each other if something went wrong. At the end, my team won.
Once that I know the game, the more I let go and the better I can play the game. If I forget to control myself, or I simply put the control at the side before it controls me, I feel less obligated to be someone I do not want to be. Or maybe someone I can’t be.
In these moments I let go the pressure I feel, I am be free of judgments and guilty feelings, my performance is at its best.
In order to do this, I had to learn the game, making experiences and learning to switch off the radio, learning to receive feedback and to deal with it, learning that I am more than how I behave, learning that love can have a lot of forms, also for myself.
In the meantime I keep coaching a lot of people about this learning process, hoping they can experience what it means and how it feels to put the control in the cloud, so that it is not controlling you.
Control and judgment can be my enemies, can be able to make me suffer, and to delete the joy of my work.
Still now every now and then I have to struggle myself with this. It is hard to let go when you have thought for years that good performance is about trying to be perfect. But this is only pressure, obligation, guilty feelings, and they can destroy the good moments.
Maybe this post reminds of one of your experiences. In this case, share. Thanks.